Sunday 30 December 2007

Christmas Down Under

Question: What's wrong with this mental image?

Father Christmas is sitting in a shopping centre, surrounded by lights, tinsel, trees, presents and a queue of adults and their children. A little boy climbs up onto Santa's lap and .... Yes that part's clearly wrong. But also - the boy is wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. And so is his Dad. And so is everyone else in the shopping centre. Apart from the ones wearing dresses or skirts that is. Welcome to Christmas in the middle of summer.

So after almost a week of lounging around, eating too much and cultivating the sort of rotund figure that only Santa would be proud of, it's time to tell you all about our upside down Christmas, a.k.a. Christmas in Australia.

It has to be said that crimbo caught me unawares this year. It's been a year now since I was last corrupting the minds of innocent young kiddiewinks and, without the weeks and weeks of tortuous school xmas play rehearsals in front of a head teacher looking like they've chewed a wasp, I'd sort of forgotten about the whole thing. In spite of the Christmas trees and fake snow all over the place, the weather was all wrong and it took a while to realise that I would have to take some drastic action over prezzies I had to send to the UK. Thank God for Amazon and the fact that my family likes books!

Our day started with prezzie opening and suitable admiration for my family's ingenuity in (a) finding flat yet thoughtful presents to send and (b) planning ahead enough to buy and send them in time for crimbo. Diver Dave had made me a beautiful emerald and white gold ring (see www.davidfrithjewellery.com if you'd like one too!) which I showed my Dad on Skype, then had to explain that it really was only a Christmas present! So all our presents were duly appreciated and tried on before 8 am, including the surprisingly rude looking M&S pants my Mother had sent. Then we had to throw ourselves into action before the rest of Christmas arrived. Starting with the turkey fight.

We'd decided to host a waifs and strays xmas for other poms not with their families, plus a few bemused aussies. So with poms in mind, we had a traditionally Blighty xmas; roast turkey, sprouts (yuk), the works. Thankfully, the weather was pretty miserable so not only did it stop us overheating with the turkey, but it stopped us feeling homesick too! We solved the usual pom problem of not having enough room in the oven by cooking the turkey and roast spuds on the barbie with the lid down. Our aussie friends had hopefully brought some salad and prawns (not for the barbie!) as this is what most aussies eat on xmas day in the height of summer. It hadn't escaped my notice that the fish counter had doubled in size recently at Woolies but I wasn't sure how to combine it with roast turkey and stuffing. So I ignored it. And it looked like the other poms didn't know what to do with it either.

By early evening it looked like one or two guests had had rather a lot to drink, judging by the amount of utter toss they were talking. I had stopped running about with the hoover/dirty dishes/clean dishes and wanted to watch some proper xmas telly. Unfortunately, I was in Australia. After attempting to watch some Courtney Cox dross for half an hour or so, my sofa mate Sal and I gave up and paid Austar to show us Hot Fuzz on their Box Office channel. So there.

Next day, our remaining guests and we made up for all the crap telly that had been on by spending a full day in front of episode after episode of Only Fools and Horses on so called UKTV, followed by almost as many episodes of Extras.

So really the only difference in Christmasses between Oz and Blighty was cooking the turkey and roasties in the barbie, the motley assortment of guests and the fact that we were all sitting at the table outside. And, according to Diver Dave, Father Christmas is still the same down under except he's got a 4x4 and a hydration pack. Christmas telly was still crap - just a more cornea shattering form of crap than the norm in Blighty.

Friday 21 December 2007

Whales 1 Japan 0 (updated Jan 08)

It seems the new Aussie government really is taking its environmental responsibilities a lot more seriously than the last. Good on ya Mr Rudd!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/asia/article3082020.ece


(7.1.08) Um... hello? Mr Rudd? Where'd the boat go that you promised then eh?

Thursday 20 December 2007

New spider policy


Diver Dave and I agree on most things, at the risk of sounding smug in a vomit inducing way. And this week we have agreed on a new policy for dealing with the resident spiders. This was precipitated by our agreed horror on the lingering demise of a large spider that wouldn't go without a fight and a run around the house. The sight of Dave chasing it, wielding a large can of bug spray, successfully hitting it square between many many eyes with not-fast-enough acting poison alternated between the hilarious and the horrendous. It finally expired in my new tupperware bowl. Ick.

We agreed that it's not the spider's fault that it's so big and ugly. It's not their fault that they want a nice dry place to shelter in when it's raining. So our agreed coping mechanism when confronted by the urge to scream hysterically over a fast and hairy intruder, is to apportion a personality to it. You know - bored, sleepy , cross, cold... er... pregnant, etc, although we don't actually go as far as naming them. This might result in some degree of loss if the recipient should be overcome by bug bomb fumes and keel over. But Dave recalled, with a worrying amount of nostalgia, how back in the UK, in his freezing cold workshop, a large spider would pop out to share the heat from the lamp on his workbench, then scuttle away again once the light was switched off. It appears Diver Dave was glad of the company.

Well all this agreement is all well and good, but what about that enormous creature that emerged from behind the bookcase with a vengeance to make a star appearance on the bedroom wall at 2 o'clock this morning? It was only revealed when one of us switched on the light to go to the loo. "Do you want me to get rid of it?" Dave asked sleepily. "No, no, don't worry," I replied, bravely when "YES - PLEEEEEEEEASE!" was what was really going on in my head (why did he not sense the silent screaming?). A few minutes later he switched the light back on, "Just checking it was still there," he reassured me. Aaaarrrgghhh!!!!

Needless to say, I did not sleep very well and that particular uninvited guest's personality so far is "Mom" - a reflection of all the spiderlets we think it is responsible for on our bedroom ceiling. I think we both agree that that's pretty yuk.

We have since also agreed that it is permissable to freak out when, next day, the afore mentioned visitor leaps out at you from a towel that was hanging on the back of the bedroom door as you go for a shower. This naughty spider is now sitting in a flower pot at the bottom of the garden, looking somewhat offended.

Wednesday 19 December 2007

Getting up & going to bed in Australia


Last night Diver Dave was already in bed asleep by the time I'd finished watching..er... John Travolta - Inside the Actors' Studio. Well? Could have been worse; could have been Jerry Springer.

Well anyway, as I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, I became aware of a lot of hoofing about going on outside the door. Judging correctly that not even the resident spiders could be making THAT much noise, I realised it was some new kind of Diver Dave getting-up-and-going-to-bed-again ceremony. When asked (through the bathroom door) what on earth he was up to, Diver Dave replied, "I'm moving out", followed quickly by "..and I'm taking you with me."

On venturing out of the bathroom, I discovered that he'd moved all our bedding into the spare room. Why? Because one of our resident spiders had left behind a million billion babies on the bedroom ceiling. We think it was probably the one that Dave chased behind the bookcase the other evening, clearly allowing it to have the last laugh.

I was a bit reluctant to leave the lovely room I'd spent days decorating but had no choice once I knew Dave was going to get serious with the bug spray. Bedroom safely evacuated, Dave showed no mercy.

Next morning, I was treated to the sight of Diver Dave leaping around our new-ish garden furniture with the outdoor version of the bug spray; the really mean one that sees off the red backs (although I STILL haven't seen any). Sarong flapping wildly in the breeze, Dave nearly succeeded in eradicating himself before breakfast.

There are still a few spider-icles in the bedroom so Dave says we have to use the Bug Bomb next. Crikey.

Tuesday 18 December 2007

Buying a used car (part 2): Ebay redeemed


Hooray for ebay! I've been tootling around in my new car now for a few days. And so far, so good.

Courtesy of Joel of auto_traders2006, I received it a week after I paid for it. I paid on the Thursday, it was sent to the Sydney depot on Monday and arrived in Brisbane the following Thursday. The service was second to none and Joel kept me informed all the way. The car is all good, looks nice, drives well and with only a couple of little quirks in keeping with a ten year old car. All the bits are in the right places and, although it lacks a few horses going up hills, it's fine for pottering about. Trying very hard not to compare it to my Lupo Gti which often makes a surprising 'grrrr' noise for such a small car and gets me to my destination yesterday.

While I hesitate to recommend that people buy a car on ebay without having looked at it, here's a checklist to ease those worries:

a) Do your research. Spend time looking at how much similar models are selling for and in which state. Prices will vary in different states.

b) Read the seller's feedback. Don't be put off, but be cautious of sellers with little feedback. If they are a business that uses ebay, they will want to maintain their reputation.

c) Check the car's history online using the VIN.

d) Ask lots of questions, eg. about the tyres, paintwork, etc.

e) Use a bid robot to see off the competition!

f) Remember to factor in any transport costs if you're buying interstate.

On a different ebay note, I recently discovered that the cow who wouldn't sell me her table because I won it too cheaply is trading again under a different name. lady*beetle84 is now cunningly disguised as beetle*84. Elementary Watson. Duh.

However, my ebay faith was renewed yesterday when, to help us host Christmas day for eight people, I picked up garden furniture from the lovely maxihull06 ebayer in Caloundra. He couldn't have been more helpful. So there.

Screw beetle lady. Ebay rocks!
Update (7.1.08): Diver Dave has named this car after Jim Morrison - because all the doors are f****d.

Thursday 13 December 2007

Postal deliveries: Bag of sh*te

Sorry but, what's with all the not delivering the sodding post? I waited in all day yesterday for a delivery, only to find a 'You've got mail' card in my post box telling me to collect my goodies from town.

This isn't the first time this has happened either. It kept happening when we were in the flat in Noosaville. When Diver Dave phoned up to complain, the following day I got an earful from an angry post lady who'd obviously been given a dressing down from her superiors. Unfortunately for her, this harrassment-a-la-rude-and-ugly-fishwife incident, which ended with me shouting back and slamming the door in her face, only gave us cause to complain even more and we never saw her again. Even more unfortunately, we were told that Australia Post has a policy of not venturing very far from the delivery van/bike and that they are supposed to beep the horn... before driving off at great speed, presumably laughing their heads off. So ugly fishwife post lady shouldn't really have been given a b******ing at all.

I can sort of understand the reluctance to climb stairs to a first floor apartment to make a delivery, although why they can't extend a finger to ring the doorbell is beyond me. And I can understand they don't want to have to go for miles across the average Aussie country acreage from the front gate to the front door. But surely they can walk the 50 odd steps it takes to transport themselves (and our post) from our post box to the front door and back?

Lazy arses.

Wednesday 12 December 2007

Water restrictions: Where's all the warda?


God politicians are crap. And it's a universal disease.

So after years of encouraging every Tom, Dick and Johnny Foreigner to move to Queensland, particularly Brisbane, because of the skills shortage, years of banning rainwater tanks in the city because they look unsightly, years of not receiving enough rain in the dam they accidentally made in the wrong place for Brisbane, and years of passing the potential problem onto the next government, lo and behold! Brisbane's running out of warda - duh!

Yes folks, it is a catalogue of blunders and not-giving-a-monkeys by a succession of rubbish state governments that has led Brisbane and the Gold Coast to start panicking (finally) over their depleting water levels. Here are some facts I have gathered from tinternet: The Wivenhoe dam is Brisbane's major source of water. Completed in 1985, it has a water capacity of two and a half times that of Sydney Harbour (wikipedia!). The rain clouds have since stopped bothering to cross the mountain ranges inland to drop their load there (Greg Roberts, The Australian, 25.10.2006) and consequently this dam level is currently at 15.85% of its capacity (SEQ Water 12.12.2007).

Brisbane and the Gold Coast are now on level 6 (out of 8) water restrictions which means you are only allowed to water some of the garden with a watering can between certain times and you are only allowed to wash parts of your car with a bucket. It does not specify how many times you can refill your watering can/bucket, you can still top up that all important swimming pool and if you're an OAP you can still use a hose anyway. Residents are being encouraged to have 4 minute showers and to only use 140 litres per person per day (http://www.target140.com.au/). In a reversal of previous policy, Brisbane City Council is now encouraging its residents to buy rainwater tanks with a government rebate as long as all the household services use tank rather than mains water. Household using more than 800 litres per day will be fined up to $1050. Presumably if you use 799 litres per day you don't incur any penalty? Although households are connected to water meters, they do not pay for the amount they use, they only pay a flat water rate. Australians are surprised by the idea that water restrictions are in place in the UK.

Nobody yet knows what level 7 and 8 restrictions will involve.

Short of drinking your own urine, my advice is to stay/live somewhere that doesn't have all this messing about with water: Northern Territory, Tasmania, parts of New South Wales and the Sunshine Coast for example. At the moment on the Sunny Coast it seems to be raining at least once a day, usually at night though which is more convenient. As a result our rainwater tank is overflowing. Our property's not on mains water - cuts rates by about half. If we're desperate we can order more water to be delivered (probably from someone else's mains water). Apparently Noosa is on level 2 restrictions (you can still water your garden and wash your car) but, from what I can gather from Noosa residents, it's a grudging concession to some idiot politician's declaration that Noosa residents are unAustralian in their attitude to saving water while the rest of the country is struggling. Noosa's currently got more water than you can shake a stick at - if you so wanted - so most Noosa residents would probably happily tell that man to bog off, or the equivalent in Australianese.

Live somewhere wet. Get a tank. Simple as (as they say in oz).

Sunday 9 December 2007

Places to visit: A Town Called Eumundi


First impressions of Eumundi, especially on a stinking hot day, are that it's maybe just another one horse town along the railway line, on the way to somewhere more interesting in Noosa. But STOP! Take a closer look. Or alternatively, take advantage of the air conditioning inside some of the shops and cafés. It's a little gem.

We have recently moved to the outskirts of Eumundi and, by UK standards, it's more like a village. There's one main street where all the shops and cafés are and residential areas are mainly behind this street on either side. It is most famous for its markets which are held in the town centre every Wednesday and Saturday. You can buy all sorts from here, particularly clothes and jewellery and it's quite good for souvenirs to take back home to Blighty.

These markets have enabled Eumundi to develop a bohemian, arty crafty image up and down the main street. You can choose from exclusively designed art from the glassware shops or gear from The Hemp Shop (man)! And the most exciting shop to open recently is Berkelouw's bookshop which sells a vast array of over 100,000 second hand, rare and out of print books, all classified and displayed accordingly, in addition to brand new ones. It's a family owned small chain of 7 stores in Australia and one in Los Angeles. The Eumundi one has a great café attached to it - guaranteed to help you lose track of time. We recently had breakfast in there and it was yummy. And of course we had to buy a book!

The choice of where to eat is great for such a small village. In our first week here, up to our eyes in cardboard boxes and not wanting to cook or wash up, we grabbed a take away from a Thai place. It was good and we could just as easily have stayed there to eat. In fact it would have saved me from even more washing up.

Last night we went out for dinner properly in our village for the first time. We had a BEAUTIFUL meal at the Balinese looking Modern Primitive, although the food wasn't balinese and, during the day they serve tapas. It was all organic and cooked to order, and we realised after a while that the reason they weren't very busy was because they were staggering the bookings so that you got really personal service. It was great to eat in a restaurant where the staff were keen to suggest what would go well with your meal, and the flavours were awesome!

How cool is that for a village? And that's the first place we've tried. We've got all the rest of the main street to do yet!

I'll be back with any further updates on the quest to eat my way round Australia!


(19.2.08) Non food update: Eumundi now has a lovely, brand new, open air, heated swimming pool. It's not very big (25m) but I racked up half a kilometre easily enough and it's fine for keeping up your fitness. The best thing about it is that (so far) it's not very busy, during the week at least, and the kids pool is a good distance away from the grown up lane swimming one. It's basic but clean and peaceful, and we really like it so there.

Friday 7 December 2007

Flatulent Kangaroos Could Save Planet


Click here for breaking news. Tee hee.


Australia's answer to signing the Kyoto agreement.

Buying a used car: Part 1


Well, without wanting to be disloyal to my little VW Lupo GTi in the UK (which I totally love and goes like stink) , I have had to buy a used car in oz. I've spent weeks on all the different websites trying to choose and it seems to me that there is a big price variation between the different states. On the whole I found the prices to be more than in the UK, esp when you compare them to the UK price guides, dollar for pound. Queensland (where I live ) prices seemed to be the most expensive but then, because the roads don't get salted, the cars don't really suffer from rust.

I was looking to buy a Ford KA (which they stopped producing here in 2003..?) but prices for these were a bit inflated. So in the end I've bought this ten yr old VW Polo for $4000 from the Sydney area through ebay!!! It's about to be transported up to Brisbane this very moment. Is probably NOT a recommended way of buying a car, and I begrudge paying this amount for such an old vehicle, but believe me it was the best value I could find after all my research. I'll be back here to describe what it's like when I finally see it!!!

I'm sorry Lupo.....mummy'll be back for you very soon... :-(

Monday 3 December 2007

God Awful Australian TV


Look out! Mega whinge alert!

Oh dear oh dear. It seems the aussies have accidentally decided to follow the American TV broadcasting model: Utter shite, interspersed with irritating advertising drivel every 5 minutes. In the UK we enjoy having a good old moan about the telly; how awful and dumbed down it is, particularly with the advent of 'reality' tv programmes that seem to be reproducing themselves interminably.

Well. Not only have the aussies adapted some well known reality tv formats to make their own, eg. Big Brother, Australian Idol, etc, but they also broadcast the complete toss that is American reality tv in order to pad out the programming schedule. And, just to add insult to injury, Neighbours and Home and Away, which are currently tucked away at the 6pm and the god-only-knows-where time slots respectively on British tv, are featured as the cream of aussie creativity in prime time viewing slots of around 7pm. God! I can't understand it. Total tripe from the nation that brought us such movie greats as Gallipoli, Priscilla Queen of the Desert, the Piano, Muriel's Wedding, Shine, Moulin Rouge, The Dish and Happy Feet! And such tv greats as ...er... Prisoner Cell Block H...?

Even sport doesn't escape the madness of crapness. Trying to watch the Rugby World Cup match where the poms trounced the aussies (tee hee!), proved irritating beyond belief with all the bloody adverts shown in the middle of the game. I could barely see Johnny's thighs!

The only saving grace in all this trash is that aussie terrestrial tv is free, so there's no unfair licence fee to pay for a channel you only watch for 'Stenders' and Doctor Who.

If you can't manage without your telly in Australia, then the solution is to pay for cable or satellite tv courtesy of Foxtel or Austar -both seemingly Sky affiliated, so the facilities will seem very familiar to Sky users. Having said that, the ridiculousness that was Foxtel's customer service when we attempted to terminate the contract was not very familiar. It dragged on for months after we had moved house and started an Austar contract.

Thanks to UKTV you can still get a daily dose of Trisha, Emmerdale, Corrie and Stenders, albeit up to a year out of date. It appears to be the place where British tv channels finally send their programmes to die. Last week's exciting announcement was that "I'm a 'Celebrity'" is going to be shown on UKTV.... Last year's. So I know who won. Although I still don't know who he is.

After UKTV we mainly watch SBS (when last year's Top Gear is on), the History Channel and the movie channels. We also watch Sky news as, through the magic of the red button, we can watch the UK version.

Which brings me onto my next whinge: Why can't we in Australia view UK programmes via broadband like you can in Blighty? Well actually I know why and it's purely political. After sending whinging emails to the BBC and Ch4, I've learnt that it's all down to licensing; they aren't licensed to broadcast in other countries - or some such rubbish. The BBC said it was something they hoped would be available in the near future. I hope so because they're missing out on a lot of revenue in the meantime from desperate ex pats all over the world who are pining for Richard & Judy, etc.

So the moral is if you're a confirmed couch potato with square eyes, maybe Australia is not the place for you.