Public Transport: Aussies whinge too

Picture the scene. You're on a long, late night train ride out of the city back to the sticks. You've been shifting about in your seat for ages trying to find a comfy snoozing position. You're now on your third seat because this one doesn't involve you having to pull your head back onto your shoulders after it's lolled off. You're just drifting off nicely when suddenly, a gruff aussie voice shocks you back into consciousness by shouting, "Which station are you getting off at?" before moving off to the next carriage to repeat the question.

This is the standard procedure practised by Queensland Rail (QR) conductors every evening on the Brisbane to Nambour service. They go along the whole train, writing down everybody's destinations. They do it so they don't have to stop at all the stations and can practice breaking their own rail speed record in getting to the other end. God help you if you're unfortunate enough to be waiting to get on at any of these optional-ised stations. But it suits me.

Getting the train between the Sunshine Coast and Brisbane two or three times a week clearly qualifies me as an expert on all things rail in Queensland. So let me start by saying that my experiences on QR have been fine in comparison to others commuters, judging by all the complaining that goes on in the letters page of Brisbane's free MX newspaper. And they say that poms whinge!

Using my student id card I get half price travel (wouldn't get that in New South Wales) everywhere in Queensland. These days I use a student Go card - a bit like the Smart card in London -so that I don't have to stand in a queue to buy a ticket. I can load money onto it at a machine or online and use it to touch on and touch off on any train, bus or city cat service.

My train is pretty much on time every day. The only time it might be delayed is if it has to shunt backwards and forwards on the line a few times to let another train pass by on the single track. But I can live with that; it's quirky. I can live with listening to the same old 50% of a phone call: "Hello?...Hello?...Can you hear me?... Yes....I'm on a train.....ON A TRAIN......oh....tunnel.....", etc,etc.... I can put up with the tss..tss..tss.. of an ipod whose earphones are clearly too small for its owner. I have even learnt to put my snorkelling experience to good use and breath through my mouth when sitting next to somebody who's forgotten the value of personal hygiene (EVERY journey) - although I do wonder if they would get the hint if I actually did put my mask and snorkel on. Maybe even my fins for good measure. But it seems some aussie passengers are not so forgiving.

To be fair, there appears to have been an explosion in Queensland, or more specifically, Brisbane. A people explosion. Where so many people have arrived to live in the city that some of the infrastructure's beginning not to cope. The peak traffic times around Brisbane seems to be getting longer and in the CBD (central business district) at lunchtimes, simply walking around can be hazardous too. The city is full to bursting. It's no wonder they're running out of warda.

So it's common practice for stressed out city dwellers to watch their bus service go sailing straight past their stop, crammed with commuters. It's also quite common to have to stand nose to armpit on the commuter trains. Frequent aussie moans include the loud mobile conversation, minging b.o. and annoying ipod favourites. They also include the injustice of the overweight passenger taking up more than their fair share of seats, ie. yours. Also, the rudeness of pushy passengers trying to get on the train/bus first (common courtesy and good manners are still usually practised in Australia, I'm pleased to say). But the most common whinge is about QR's slackness. Elsewhere on the QR network apparently, they aren't very good at anouncing when trains are delayed or simply not going to appear. The trains can even set off too early - an unheard of concept in the UK!

But let me conclude this onewhingingpom post with a proper full on whinge. And I think it has to be the most valid and outraged one: WHY OH WHY, on a two hour rail trip, are there absoloutely no toilets on the train whatsoever? And WHY are the toilets at some stations locked up after a certain time? QR, your passengers have plumbing needs and, if you don't address them, you deserve to have to clean up the consequences.

There now. That's better.